The Sense of Self.

Everyone wears masks. One for your family. One for that group of friends. Another for that special someone.
Everyone pretends. Pretend to be something more than we are. Something larger than life. But at the end of the day, we know it is all lies. We build a fortress of lies, barricade its doors, seal its windows.
The "side" that you show to different people, and the one side that is never, ever seen by anyone. Not even those you are closest to. For that is the side that is most precious, and would break you if it were hurt.

But the real question is: have we all played the parts so well, said the lies one time too many, that eventually they become part of us, while the "real" us gets lost in the static? Do we lose that sense of self, beneath all the masks we wear?

For a year. A year to forget, a year to forgive, to finally move on. Closure.
For a year. Deliberately remaining distant. The bliss of detachment, the numbness, a blessing. Selfish excuses. Not wanting to hurt another, or just the selfish fear of the same happening again? Once, the resolve broke, the will nearly, very nearly, gave in. But coldness and indifference saved much pain. To think a single slip would cause so many troubles. The tangled knots are slowly being unraveled, straightened.

A year of many endings, and many beginnings.

The relatively carefree, worryless life has gone, and now at one cornerstone of my life, the simple, sobering reality of the word "adulthood" crashes into my consciousness with the full impact of its meaning.

Now, looking back at the longing to grow up, i wonder. Is it really Paradise Found, or actually Paradise Lost?

.....
Who am i?
I can only answer,

I am.








Spewing rhetoric again. :P